Breathe No More: An Intergalactic Love Story
by hatmanthehat
Summary: Tali'Zorah Vas Neema is suffering some serious relationship troubles. Who will she end up with? edit note: now uptated with chaptr 9 ty 2 my gurl gxk im so srry 4 been so meen 2 u ty 4 stil etiding. ASLO: tali is not a mary su ok? i chaengd her so shed b less prefect!
1. Chapter 1: Reading your Eyes

AN: so i wuz lik wachin ma frend play dis game an it wus amzin so it ttlly perspired me 2 writ dis fic abot ma favrit caracter. in da gam sh waz 2 prfect 4 me an i ddnt want her 2b a mart-sue so i made her mor lke me. btw ty 2 ma frend garrusxkatniss 4 edting ths 4 me. u rok gurl!

I, Tali'Zora D'arkness vas Neema, woke up this morning and put on my fishnet stockings and plaid miniskirt and combat boots, and a leather jacket underneath my black and red corset. Then, I looked into the mirror and cried because I was such a hot Quarian babe. Then, I put on my environmental suit and cried some more 'cuz no one could see my hotness and sexii outfit. If only Shepard would love me. I dream of the day she and I can link suits, but she's only interested in sexxy assassin types, and mean humans who sound like Batman and hemorrhage at the thought of Cerberus.

My room, the engineering panel, is the most goffic room in the entire Normandy. I sleep in a coffin right next to all of the computers I do smart science at. My coffin is lined with purple velvet that matches my suit and filters the air so I don't get sick and die as quarians do. My room has big, goffic, medieval stained glass windows that show me the views of the d'arkness of space that matches my deep, troubled heart. The focal point of my room is my beautiful wrought iron mirror. It is my favorite object because it tells me how hot and sexi I am. The only thing that makes this place better is when Shepard comes to talk to me because she is so beautiful and especially hot next to the hot computers. The only problem is that Engineer Donnelly never leaves he watches me sleep. He is such a creep because he is so not sexii and also watches me sleep.

So, I totally stood in the elevator suicidally. The elevator is like totally slow. Every day, I stand in the elevator and count how many seconds it takes to get to the crew level whilst lamenting my depressing life. Sometimes I slit my rists because I am so depressed. In fact, I am counting the seconds right now... five... four... three... two... one... zero. I am at the crew deck. I wanted some food so I went up to the chef dude who also cleans toilets, and asked him for some delicious food, but he was like, "Sorry, Babealicious, but your a Quarian, so you can't have normal food."

I cried tears of quarian blood, and I wanted to slit my rysts because no one loved me, but he was staring 'cuz I'm hot. The chef dude. Then, I got a bowl and some turian fruit loops (Garrus' favorite) with blood instead of milk. Turian blood. It wasn't Garrus' blood though, because he's hot. It was sarens, because he is totally an evil turian and I hate him because he was mean to SexxyShepard, who is also hot and also I love her. (AN: ma frend tol me saren was evvil so im prty sur thats tru i trst her shes my besty)

Then I sat down and cried into my cereal in the med bay. Because the chef dude was being all creepy and staring at my Hotniss, so I went to see Chakwas but she was out being an alcoholic somewhere.

Suddenly, I bumped into someone and yelled, "Watch where you're going, prep!" I looked up to see the hottest sight in all of the Normandy... perhaps in all of the universe! He had a geffic flashlight head with black eyeliner and lipstick and the flashlight glowed red and it was Adonis-like. He was wearing black and red armor with the number "666" painted on with red paint, and he had a manly scar... gaping hole... scar. Scar. I blushed kawaiiily.

"Hello, Tali'Zora D'arkness vas Neema-chan, we are Bleed'gion." He said with a sexii, soothing, manly robot voice. His voice pulled me in like a giant sexy magnet and my heart was made of cold, dark, unfeeling metal. It was like the metal started to beat again for the first time in months ever since I found out that Shepard had come back to life. Then I remembered how I cried when I watched my father die at the hands of the horrible geth. I cuoldn't open my heart to a geth - even the hottest geth - not yet...

Then, I said, "Don't talk to me, poseur." I said it tsunderily and saucily and something that implies sexiness. Suddenly, we were interrupted by my gun pointing at his face. He looks quizzical... for a Geth... His flashlight tilted to the side like a cute little puppy except for more goffic because of his eyeliner and lipstick (AN: all kewl boiz were it ok). A single tear trickled down my quarian cheek as I stared into his deep soul through the unblinking gaze of his red-colored lense.

Suddenly! Shepard walked in a struck a super sexy pose (AN: she stood like a man). "Yo, Tali, I herd u liked Geth, so I put a Geth on my ship, so you can fight while you flight (AN: ma frend tinks its fnny wen i put in intranet refrences). Oh, hey, I see you've met!"

I looked at Shepard with my supersexxy mask and a look of utter shock. Shepard used to have red hair but then she dyed it black because she knew I liked goffic things. She was wearing a short black dress (AN: liek wat u get in kasumis mishen) except it had lots of red lace and a corset and she wore black fishnet stockings with it. She wore white foundation and lots of black eyeliner and bright red lipstick so she looked like a vampire. As I watched her, she started to roll her shoulder in a sexii manner. I started to get angry at her for not trusting me and yelled accusingly "Shepard, how can you think that? That Geth was sendin' info from my omnitool to his bros back in Geth Space."

And then Bleed'gion was like, "Sorry, Babealicious-chan, I couldn't stand not to know every last detail about someone as smokin' as you."

And then Shep said, "Tali, I am dissapoint. Go think about what you've done in the timeout corner next to Grunt." And then I cried because Grunt is so gross and not hot and he has a hump or something that looks suspiciously like a tumor and I think he sometimes watches me sleep like Engineer Donnelly.

She was about to leave, and I was like, "But Shep, I want to..." And I paused dramatically... and burst into tears... and ran out of the spaceship.

Suddenly, I hear a voice that sounded like Batman and rainbow, and, in a flash, I was run into his arms!

"Oh, attractive male friend, how I missed you!" I said whilst cuddling into his barrel, marble-like, cold, unyielding, masculine yet soothing chest. I could hear his heartbeat and feel his warmth even though I was wearing my enviro-suit. His feelings for me could reach through the cold metal and touch me like no one else could.

"But my lovely D'ark Angel," he replied in a deep, husky yet soothing voice, "What about Shepard? If she found out about us..."

Shepard, who was in the room the whole time, let out a blood curdling scream. "My love, hast thou forsaken me for that trollop?" She demanded. She sounded so smart how could I ever measure up to her? I cried some more into Kaid'ns chest. How could he love me when she was around? She was so beautiful and intelligent sexy...

I had totally forgotten that Kaid'n had once loved that flaming prep.

What a bosh'tet. I wish she was never born. She is such a whore and probably sleeps with the entire crew and watches me sleep like Engineer Donnelly.

Kaid'n was looking totally gorgeous yet soothing. He had dark black hair with purple streaks and red colored contacts and pale skin. He wore a black leather outfit like Thane so I could see his gorgeous marble chest which he wore a pentagram on. He also wore black leather combat boots and looked totally sexxii. He smiled dazzlingly at me, and then looked up and said, "You know, Shepard-babealicious, I could never love u after linking suits with this Babe and you joined Cerberus and died so you're dead to me. C'mon, D'ark Angel, let's go to an Expel 10 concert."

"But, Kaid'n, I was only _clinically_ dead!"

AN: did u liek it! plz rate an commnt u guiz ar so awsome if i get gud revews i will writ mor


	2. Chapter 2: Part of Me

(AN: omg i luv it on dis site i alredy got sum comets! ill read dem after i poast dis!

WARNING: miner lemmin ahed!)

Chapter 2: Part of Me

So, I, Tali'Zorah D'arkness vas Neema, was wearing a floor-length strapless dress (AN: liek da asar, cept wifout sleves nd sexxiier) with a black and pink corset and five-inch black stilettos with pink lace, and my environmental suit on top of that. Beside me sat hot Kaid'n Alenko who was wearing tight leather pants with a spiked belt and 4-inch platform boots. He wasn't wearing a shirt so I could see his hot goffic tattoos and sexii sculpted abs. He had his muscular, manly yet soothing arm around me and he was driving the m-44 Hammerhead with one hand. We were on Omega, going to the Expel 10 concert.

Kaid'n parked suicidally, and I stepped out of the car sexiilee. If I wasn't wearing my helmet, my black hair with purple streaks would be blowing around wildly like in the movies. Kaid'n tossed the keys and a few credits to the valet (AN: i gorfot the wurd lol) who was staring at my gorgeous self. He was clearly fantasizing about my hott quarian bod, but Kaid'n glared at him jealously, so he backed off.

We - me and Alenko - walked down the streets of Omega towards the Afterlife (AN: GxK sais to maek it ther. idk wat it is so if im dong it worng tell me) VIP section where the concert was being held. There were some Batarian dudes (AN: batarns r creepy alens wit lots of eys an notrsils. ill get my frend to uptade teh info paeg as suun as dis is pushblisd) who stared at me & were extra creepy because they had so many eyes (AN: c? dey totly hav losta eys). They would probably watch me sleep if they could, but just then Kaid'n put his arm around me all protective and the VIP security Turian was all like, "Go on in, Babealicious." I went on in with Kaid'n.

I slipped on my Expel 10 T-shirt over top of my suit and shrieked as the lead singer, Kolyat, appeared on stage (AN: kolayt is in da gams an i will updait the info page 4 him 2). The music blasted loudly and filled my every pore with sorrow and despair. It spoke to my innermost tormented quarian spirit. Kaid'n and I started moshing and grinding so did everyone else around us. I looked into Kaid'n's deep, red colored contacts that seemed to glow and shimmer in the dim light and said, "Don't you think that that Drell is the hottest? Kolyat is like my favorite singer."

Kaid'n stopped moshing and looked at me in the quarian eyes. His look made me start crying because he was so gorgeous, yet so angry and not soothing at all. Suddenly, I remembered how sexxy Shepard was, and I worried that Kaid'n would remember, too. What if he left me? His anger frightened me.

"I'm so sorry!" I cried, sexily. "I don't think he's as attractive as you! I think you're wayyy hotter... I'll go get us some drinks!"

I ran away to the bar holding my face in my hands. I asked the bartender for some drinks. He said, "We don't serve quarian drinks here, sorry babe." And I was like, "Well, you're a Batarian, anyway, so you're creepy!" (AN: she iz not a sue cuz seh hes predjudiss agints ugly aleens) And then I cried some more and ran back to Kaid'n.

Suddenly, a hot asari chick who was also dangerous appeared from the crowd and grabbed Kaid'n's hips and they started grinding. Then, she jumped on stage and started dancing asarily next to Kolyat. Kaid'n took a seat next to the stage and leaned in. Then he leaned out. Then he leaned in. And so forth. My tears of sorrow turned into tears of ANGER. I marched to the front of the moshpit.

"Damnit, Kaid'n, I trusted you!" I yelled dazzlingly.

He turned around, a look of utter chagrin on his face. I was so furious, I walked right passed him and didn't even stop to look into his bloodred eyes. I leaped onto the stage and punched to asari right in her gorgeous, blue face. (AN: i wundr wut color asari bruse) Then, overwhelmed with so much emotion, placid tears ran down my quarian face as I sprinted to the bathroom.

Suddenly, I bumped into someone. Papers and paintbrushes scattered everywhere and I was temporarily blinded!

"Watch where you're going, prep!" I yelled, hiding my face lest he see the suicidal intentions written across my face, and I raised my small, feminine fists.

"Oh my goodness, Tali'Zorah-chan, I am so gomen nasai!" He yelled, bowing. It was Bleed'gion! He wasn't wearing any of his usual make-up and his flashlight looked dimmer and more bloodshot than usual. He bent down sexily (AN: liek in legaly blond but wif a hot robot insted of a grily girl) to pick up his art supplies.

"Bleed'gion!" I gasped, a blush creeping across my quarian cheeks. Then, I looked down at his hot bod and thought of Kaid'n's hot bod and then thought about the asari, and, in a flash, I was mad again. "What are you doing, you bosh'tet!"

Bleed'gion said nothing at first. Then he said, "Why aren't you with Kaid'n?"

"How do you know I was with Kaid'n?" I screamed accusingly. Was he watching me? Did he really want to get to know a hot quarian babe such as myself?

"I saw you dancing with him," Bleed'gion replied softly, shyly and soothingly. I noticed a small, single crystaline tear roll down his geffic flashlight-face. I must have hurt his feelings. "Are you going back?" He asked, wiping away the tear ashamedly.

"Of course not!" I yelled, realizing I was being cruel. "Oh, of course not."

"What's wrong, babealicious-chan?" he asked.

Then, we went to get drinks from the turian bartender. I waved to Dr. Chakwas, who was being an alcoholic at the bar and I turned to Bleed'gion and I stared into his lense. I had learned so much about him today. He was a tortured artist, a loner with an appreciation for Japanese culture. He spent his nights alone in the cold, dark AI core, occasionally writing poetry. Oh, how I longed to spend just a little time with him, to warm him.

I ordered another quarian B'loody Mary and sipped it sexily, running my tongue around the rim. It was made with real blood. Saren's blood.

Suddenly, I noticed that Bleed'gion was painting me with his beautiful art supplies, stroking the canvas sensually with paints. Noticing me noticing him, he said, "Sorry, Tali-chan. You were looking so kawaii in this light, and I just had to capture it such a beautiful pict-."

However, he was cut off because, in a flash, my face was smashed against his romantically, and we were making out sexily. My tongue traced the sides of his lense, and he ran his hands up and down my back. At that moment, we needed to be 'with' each other more than anything else.

He picked me up with his muscular, robot arms and his tech powers and he sprinted across the bar to a sleazy backroom. Pushing aside various Vorcha, we made our way further into the room. We ended up splayed over a poker table.

There were hormones and attraction all around the air. I sealed off the bottom part of my suit, and Bleed'gion took out his thingy from his pants and stuck it sexually into my quarian whatsit. It was amazing, and we both finished at the same time. Then, he passed out and I fell asleep


	3. Chapter 3: Figure 09

((AN: som of u guise r meen. pls don't be. also, rite nice revios pls))

This morning, I, Tali'Zora D'arkness vas Neema, put on my spiked, platform boots with ripped stocking, a tight leather skirt with spiked belts and chains, and a skull-print tank top that showed off my perfect waist - Garrus would be proud. Then, I put my suit on over top.

My eyes were brimming with tears over the thought of Kaid'n's betrayal, but I decided to occupy myself with something else. I needed some serious girl-time, so I went to visit my best friend forever, Katherine Niss.

I went in the elevator. 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... 0... and then I went out of the elevator. I was on the crew deck, and I walked. Then, I went around a corner. Then I walked more. Sexilee, with a strut. My best friend is Garrus' girlfriend, so she stayed in the calibration room. But Garrus wasn't there, which was weird. I guess he must have finished his calibrations or something. My friend was there, though.

"Hey, girl, lookin' kawaii!" She said, brushing her pink and blue-streaked hair out of her face. (AN: dis is u garrusxkatnes... c,, cuz shes a scene kid liek u)

"Hey, Katy," I said. "Where's your boyfriend?"

"He said something about killing some guy. Sydney? Or something. Anyway, how's life with you and Kaid'n?"

I started crying dazzlingly, my sparkling tears pooling in my eyes and running down my face like rain.

"What's wrong?" She asked kindly and prettily cause she's my friend. She didn't say it sexily, though, because she can't.

Suddenly, our other BFF, Diabolo, AKA Subject Zero, kicked through the door. "What's crackalakin', brosens?" She asked, making a rocker fist-sign.

Diabolo used to be called Jaquelin or Subject Zero because she was experimented on during her childhood and became an awesome biotic - almost as good as Katy, who was the best biotic because she was half asari and half incredibly talented human biotic but she looked like a human so it was okay. Anyway, Diabolo used to think she was raised by smart scientists, but really, she was the daughter of satanists and got abducted at birth by Cerberus. She went back to using her birth name, Diabolo, after she found out.

"Hey, Diabolo," I said, waving my quarian hand.

"Hey," Diabolo began, running a hand over her tattooed, bald head. "Why you cryin', brosky? You okay?"

"Why do you care, Bosh'tet!" I yelled, crossing my arms defensively.

Kate flipped her pink and blue streaked hair. "She's upset because of Kaid'n and Bleed'gion and d'rama." She explained.

"I understand," said Diabolo, comfortingly. "You know, we should spend some girl time together... you bros thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

"Slumber Party!" We chorused in unison, hifiveing.

So we decided to sleep in Kasumi's room because she was at a super cool anime convention and said we could use it. WE decorated it with bats and vandalism and graffiti. Diabolo is a good street artist.

So we decided to get into our PJs. Luckily, Kasumi's room was really clean and so were my friends so I didn't have to wear my suit.

I was wearing black boxer shorts with spiders and a bloodred background and a red lace tanktop to show off my hot quarian bod.

Kate wore a Hello Kitty nightgown with pink bows in her hair and little plastic skull clips and little bat stockings.

Diabolo wore an Expel 10 T-shirt and pants with the words "Punk Princess" sparkling on the butt.

"Alright, Bromizzles, dish it," Diabolo said, pointing saucily at us. "What's the latest juice from the Normandy?"

Then, Kate was all like, "Didja hear about Commander Shepard - who's 19, by the way? I heard she's totally sleeping with Thane, who is also 19."

They were laughing until they saw me tearing up. "Dang, broskillet, what's wrong?" Said Diabolo consolitorily.

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm crying *sniff* because Shepard is SUPER sexxalicious. Why can't she be with me? Darn that sexxay Drell!" I stomped my feet on the ground in frustration.

"I'm sorry for you, girl," said Katy. "I wish he was less hot, too. Sometimes Garrus gets jealous when I talk to him, but it's okay 'cause we're madly in true love, you know?"

"This is getting too dark, brosefs," said Diabolo. "Let's lighten it up with some party games. Who's down for a little T&D?"

"That sounds so sugoi, girl." Katy said. "I'll start. I choose truth."

"Alright, brohansen, dish it about you and Garrus!" Diabolo tightened her bootstraps and stared intently at Katy.

"Well, it's going, like, *really, really* good. He has such a hot voice. It's like melted butter on warm toast, you know?" She turned away, a mischievous look in her eyes, "Also, he has quite the reach if you know what I'm sayin'!"

"Dayum, girl!" I flipped my hair which had bright orange streaks because my mood was playful and saucy. (AN: c! cuz dey change colur)

"Okay, Tali-chan, your turn!" Katy hopped up and down, excited.

Giggling, I giggled, "Okay, well, last night," I snickered, "I totally did it... with BLEED'GION!"

"NO WAY NO WAY NO WAYYYY!" Exclaimed Diabolo.

"SOOOOO GOOOD!" Katy clapped her hands.

My quarian cheeks turned pink, and I was embarrassed yet excited. "That's all I'm going to say about it. Your turn, Diabolo."

"Dare!"

"Okay, well," Katy cleared her throat, "Miranda has been a total prep to me recently. She totally insensitive, not like you guys. I was thinking we could do something to get her back. She's having a shower now, so you should infiltrate her room and steal all of her slutsuits!"

Diabolo cackled and jumped out of the room biotically. She seemed really excited - she didn't like Miranda at all. None of us did. (AN: miradnas a totl prep n ill probs updtr teh profil paeg wiv her info)

A few minutes later, Diabolo came back, her arms full of skimpy jumpsuits. She had tried one on - a black one. She was too skinny, so she didn't fill it out.

"Girl has a lot of wetsuits," Katy laughed pulling a suit out of the pile. "What a preppy loser, right?"

I picked one up and took a good look. There were small pads where the chest and butt were. I laughed gothically, and took them out before slipping on the suit. It was a perfect fit! It hugged my every feminine curve.

"I knew her butt was too big to be real," I commented, twirling around.

"Girl, you look fabulous!" Katy commented and Diabolo agreed. "Why don't you wear this stuff all the time!"

Suddenly, I stopped twirling and my eyes filled with tears. I could never look this good because I'd always have to wear my suit, no matter what. "I can't because I'm a quarian and everything's dangerous to me!" I cried.

"Don't worry, bro," Diabolo patted me on the back. "They'll make up some kind of smart science soon, and you'll be able to wear stuff like this all the time."

"But if the Hanar haven't come up with a cure for my bad immune system, no one will!" I cried loudly, rocking back and forth. "It's not even worth looking for a cure..."

Katy patted me on the back. "There, there. Hey, I know what'll make you feel better! What if we got revenge on that muscular, sexy, cheating loser?"

I wiped my eyes. "OMG! Sounds like corpse-loads of fun! But how?"

"I don't know..."

"Forget about him!"

"I don't know..."

"Let's drink our miseries away!" Diabolo interjected. "A round of Bl'oody Maries?"

We had a lot of drinks. We mixed different colored alcohols and got more buzzed off of those. Then we talked really loudly and talked about all of our sorrows. There were a *lot*. It took almost three hours, talking fast.

Suddenly, Bleed'gion ran past, into the men's washroom to puke. He was probably hammered like us. From my experience at the bar, I can say that the robot can drink.

We were going to invited him, but this was a girl's night, so. I thought that was kind of weird, but I was too drunk to care. Then we all passed out


	4. Chapter 4: Set Fire to the Rain

(AN: i em sooo srry 4 not postin erlier. to make up 4 it, i mead dis xtra long)

"Tali, I need you to do something for me," said sexy Shepard to I, Tali'Zorah D'arkness vas Neema.

My heart beat like a thousand drums and I was excited. Was she really going to say it? I bet she's going to propose her love for me! Finally, after three years, Shepard and I were finally going to link suits!

But then she said, "You'll be coming with me to help Thane take care of some family business of the Citadel."

My heart shattered like a thousand gothic, wrought-iron mirrors that reflect my inner woe. A single, lipid tear rolled down my quarian cheek. "Oh," I said.

"Get ready." She ordered dominatrixly, rolling her shoulder.

I limped, deeply emotionally injured, to my room to change. I slipped on a lace lolita black poofy dress and white stockings with bats and mary janes with 3-inch platforms and long white satin gloves and a bat hairclip. Then, I put my environmental suit on top.

Then, I went back to Shepard.

"Nice outfit," she complimented. "Let's go."

Shepard was standing next to her stupid, sexy Drell boyfriend, Thane, who probably spends more time in front of his mirror than even me - and I like to look good. I admired his hot bod enviously.

"Thane," I said.

"Tali," he replied.

"So, where are we headed, Thane babealicious?" Shepard asked sexily, cuddling him like an emotional prep. Ugh! Stupid Thane.

"C-sec," he said with his gorgeous, deep drell voice that sounded like melted quarian chocolate and blooming flowers.

(AN: csex is liek da police)

So we walked and met an old dude named after alcohol and he was old so creepy and would probably watch me sleep like Engineer Donnelly. He leered at me droolingly, staring at my hot quarian bod.

He talked to Shepard, but I didn't care. Nobody really listens to her, anyway. Then we left. I mostly just follow Shepard around and point my gun at stuff badassedly.

We walked past a couple of Krogan who were probably stoned and talking about presidium fish. Then, Shepard gave them a fish and they were incredibly happy.

So, we walked to this random human and Shepard talked again. I looked at Thane angrily yet sexily - I never look ugly when I'm mad like other people. He didn't seem to notice. Then, we were walking again. We went back to the C-sec headquarters and Thane and Shepard went into some room and there was some dude on the table. I just waited by the door and pointed my gun at people. Then, I got bored and so I did some science - that's what I do because I'm an engineer.

I wondered what Shepard and Thane were doing that was taking so long - and then it dawned on me. What if they were doing... it! I felt a fire of hate burning in my soul for that stupid, sexxy Drell. I wish he'd never been born or however Drell are made. This random angry dude pushed past me and I pointed my gun gracefully at him. He walked into the room and I yelled, "Shepard, are you done yet?" but she ignored me because she didn't come out for like 10 minutes.

"Okay, Tali, you can go back to the Normandy now," said Shepard dazzlingly as she exited the interrogation room holding Thane's hand.

"What!" I screamed accusatorily. "You bosh'tet! I thought we were going to shoot stuff!"

"Yeah, well, no." said Shepard monotonously. "Turns out we have to go find Thane's drell brother before he assassinates a Turian politician who is not as hot as Garrus."

"Yeah." Thane was distractedly looking around the room.

I started to cry quarian tears of blood. "You don't even care about me, Shepard!" I yelled sexilly. But she and Thane were already gone. What bosh'tets!

I was so angry that I shot the next guy who came out of the interrogation room! Luckily, he was a batarian, so it didn't matter.

Then, I had a super smart idea almost like the smart science I often perform I would prove to Shepard that I was sexxier than Thane by finding his brother before they did. So, I came up with a dazzlingly intelligent plan to trail the turian politician invisibly (AN: she kan do dat becuz she boroed Kasums onmi-tool) wear an attractive cocktail dress with my suit overtop like Bond Girls.

I was a few blocks away from the turian's apartment. Suddenly, a gorgeous drell who looked vaguely familiar stepped out with a gun. I was super speedy and in a flash, I took the gun out of his hands and forced him to his knees.

From behind me, Shepard let out a blood-curdling scream and Thane ran up beside me sexxily.

"Kolyat!" he yelled accusingly. The turian politician peed himself.

"KOLYAT WHAT?" I screamed, jumping up and down excitedly. "OMG OMG OMG! You are THE Kolyat? You mean you are an assassin AND an Expel 10 signer? HAWT."

Kolyat took advantage of my momentary distraction and suddenly we were interrupted by his gun pressed against my temple!

"Yes I am, siha," said Kolyat sexxily into my ear. I almost fainted because he was so hot and his vice was like a warm breeze on a summer day and his gorgeous lips were, like, really close to my ear. He could totally kiss me right now! I blushed profusely.

"Stop," said Thane convincingly.

"You can't stop me, brother," said Kolyat evilly. I was totally dramatic and hot and tears started rolling down my quarian cheeks because the moment was so beautiful! Like in action and romance movies! "I'm going to kill this quarian." My heart stopped. Time seemed to freeze.

"YOUR BROTHER IS DYING!" yelled Shepard unsuspectedly.

"Why do I care?" Kolyat exclaimed suicidally. "I'm still going to kill her!" I stared at Shepard because for all I knew it could be the last time I ever saw her.

"Kolyat, think about what you're doing. I can't let you live with this guilt for the rest of your life. Now, let her go," said Thane heroically and soothingly. My shattered heart reformed for a moment as I looked into his deep onyx eyes. How had I never seen it before? Thane was something else: deep and fascinating. He stirred emotions deep within me, with his voice like chocolate. Those deep, black eyes pulled me in as if someone had opened an airlock to space.

Kolyat stepped away from me slowly, shockedly. He was clearly deeply affected by Thane's heartfelt words. "Brother... I am... Sorry." Then, he faded into the shadows. I slumped to the ground, shocked and teary, and fainted.

...

...

I, Tali'Zorah D'arkness vas Neema, woke up in Kasumi's room - 'cause it was clean. I was alone in the empty room - empty like my heart - cold and d'ark, I went and put on a purple and black corset with lace and purple ribbon and my streaks were yellow 'cause I was confused about my feelings and cargo pants with zippers and belts like Diabolo and a skull choker and a leather jacket with bats stitched in. I was wearing purple stilettos. Then, I put my enviro-suit over top. I left the room suicidally and tiredly and walked down the hallway. No one was there!

B'loody tears ran down my face, and I needed comfort food, so I went to get some Fruit Loops - the ones that Garrus likes. But the ched dude wasn't there! So I cried because no one loved me and I ran to the medbay to vent to Chakwas.

To my chagrin, there were, like, twenty-some people there! I found almost the entire crew of the normandy! They were all grouped around one operating table, whispering harshly.

I punched my way to the front of the crown. "Let me through idiots!" I yelled, sensually.

There, on the table, lay Bleed'gion in a hospital gown. Chakwas was ultrasounding his stomach.

"Tali, I..." Chakwas began, but Bleed'gion silenced her.

"Hello, Tai-chan," Bleed'gion said, blushingly. "I have some bad news. It turns out that our meeting on Omega... well... I ... ... ... .. ... ... ... I'm pragnent!"

My jaw dropped shockedly and I let out a small, feminine gasp. "Bleed'gion! I... I..."

"It's a girl."

How did this happen so fast? My world stood stillas I hear my hear beat like a bass guitar- slowly, darkly. I wasn't ready to raise a child - definitely not one made during a one-night stand!

"I... I..." I began tearing up. "I need some time to think!" I ran out of the room dramatically.

I ran to the bathroom, tears gushing down my face like a faucet. Suddenly! I bumped into someone.

"Bosh'tet! Can't you see I'm..." I looked up and saw the person. "Kaid'n..."

He looked down at me consolitorily. "Are you alright, Tali? You've been crying..."

"Why do you all of a suddenly care now?" I asked, madly. "You sure didn't care about my feelings when you were grinding with that asari whore!"

"Tali, I'm... So, so sorry. I was jealous and I acted irrationally," he told me, frowning. He looked so gorgeous in this light. His dark hair was so perfectly in place. His broad shoulder were so supportive. His voice was still so strong... so soothing...

In a flash, my lips were run into his and we were making out! It was like a scene in a dramatic movie, where the main leads finally gave in to their desires. We slipped into the nearest room - Miranda's office - and did it on the desk and on her floor and on the bed. It was amazing! Then we drifted off to sleep blissfully


	5. Chapter 5: Crawling in my Skin

(AN: mai gurl GxK hleped me rite dis one alot. ty so much gurl dis is de best yet! btw meen cometers stop it okay? ur just jelis caus u wich ur fics got dis meny reviows)

**Eyes. I can feel eyes everywhere. They bored into ,y slom. judgemental bullets of anger, of confusion, of disappointment. My steps quickened; I needed to escape from their crushing gaze. I slipped into the abandoned elevator to contemplate the depths of my sorrow. there was a bit of blood in the corner. Quarian blood. Tali-chan...****I shook my head. I could not think like at at this moment. The wound was too fresh. The deep gash in my heart was still gushing blood. Quarian blood. These wounds, they will not heal.****I sighed morosely. The ding of the elevator echoed dimly in my subconscious. It was not until the doors slid slowly open that I realized what was happening. Someone else was entering the elevator. I raised my eyes and beheld the one person who I didn't ever want to see... She bumped into me.****"Watch where you're going, you prep!" she yelled angrily with a hint of despair hidden beneath her violet mask. I could see a twinge of guilt in those glowing, diamond eyes. "I thought this was the abandoned elevator! Seriously!"****"Pardon me, Tali'Zorah-san." I said, looking at my feet, my electronic voice opened a curtain to my inner weakness.****"Oh... it's you," she whipped out a knife. The blade gleamed wickedly in the dim fluorescent light, as if to reflect my one last hope that it was about to extinguish. The elevator doors slammed shut and my breath caught. As my brief individual life flashed before my lens, I could only hold on to one coherent thought... I backed into the corner. What of the child?****Too slowly, Tali-chan retreated. She slunk into the opposite corner, looking down-trodden. Calmly, she slid the blade across her delicate wrists, drawing the slightest amount of blood.****"Five... four... three... two... one," she said, and for a brief moment, my heart reached out to her. No, I thought morbidly. I can't open my heart to a Quarian.****As if on cue. the elevator doors slid open. Tali-chan didn't give me a second glance as she stepped coldly on to the crew deck. For a moment, I felt like reaching out and grabbing her arm, but I held myself back. Such an action would only fuel the fire that burned between us. A part of my longed for that fire, but the other part - the rational part - warned me against it.****It seemed to take a millenia for those accursed walls of steel to close shut. I let loose a sigh of relief, and wanted for the elevator to ascend - to pull me away to a better place. The time passed so slowly. I almost took to Tali-chan's habit of counting the seconds, but I restrained myself. The pain I was feeling was partially my own fault. It was a mistake to ever get involved with Tali-chan. A mistake I could have foreseen - but I chose to be blind. I let my emotions run too high, overtaking my synthetic reasoning. I could never let that happen again, because now there was so much more at stake...****I was caught up in my thoughts. Again, I failed to notice the quiet opening of the doors. But this time, no one walked in. I was confused. Naturally, I stepped out of the elevator into a familiar area of the ship. A rectangular, grey hallway with a single door. The room represented my loneliness. I could see only one way out of this despair. I realized where I was... the room in front of me... was Shepard-commander-sama's room.****Sure, I'd been up here a few times. Everyone has. She should really lock her door when she's on shore leave. The room itself is amazing, though: the model ships, the space-hamster, and the amount of fish that woman can kill... I mean, wow. Nonetheless, I had a feeling that I shouldn't be here. I didn't want to be seen in my current condition.****I was about to turn back to my solace, the abandoned elevator, when the door to Shepard-commander-sama's cabin opened abruptly. I was so deep in sorrow that I barely registered who came out. My eyes grazed over the masculine silhouette of Kaid'n Alenko.****"Bleed'gion, I... didn't expect to see you there," he intoned.****"I... did not either, Alenko-san," I said begrudgingly. I tried to hide my emotions, but the harsh reality came out through my lens, as it always did. How I curse my emotional depth sometimes. I wish I could turn it all off and antera world of blackness where I can feel no pain.****"So, you're pregnant, right?" he asked me, shifting to the side and leaning his muscular arm up against the side of the door. He sighed, rubbing his temples, before glaring up at me with fiery eyes. "You know, 'Bleed'gion', for a robot, you sure aren't very smart. Tali is with me! You took advantage of her in a moment of weakness! And now you're dragging yourself around like you're the victim."****I was shocked by his sudden burst of rage. For a moment, I could not speak. Only gape in shock at what this man had just said to me. Then, recovering from the blow, I shot back, "You're one to speak, baka! You should be in the Crew Quarters with Tali-hime, consoling her! Instead, you're up here in the arms of another woman." I shook my head, "but even in your current condition, you're still better for Tali-chan than I. You can give her something I can not - the love of an organic! Synthetic life-forms were never meant to procreate - especially Geth with Quarians. I'm hurting her. You need to provide support for her."****Kaid'n looked like he was about to say something. His iron face turned red with rage, and he pursed his lips. For a moment, I was unsure of his intentions. His brow sunk like the titanic hitting an iceburg. His mouth turned into the downwards-facing crescent of a deep scowl. He looked like he was about to punch me, but he didn't. Instead, he used his large frame to shove me into a wall, and stormed off into the elevator without another word.****I stood for a moment, happened so quickly. I didn't even look up when Shepard came out of the bathroom. I was brought back to consciousness only after she grabbed me by the shoulder and a gave me a violent shake.****"Bleed'gion, are you alright?" she asked, avoiding eye-contact. I could feel the shame burning beneath her flesh, and witnessed her face turn a shade of pink.****"Why, Shepard-commander-sama?" I began, lifting my aching head to face her. It felt as if someone had set a bomb off inside my brain - I couldn't think straight. All I saw was pain and destruction. "Why would you betray both Thane-sempai and Tali-chan?"****She stared straight into my lens and her lower lip started to quiver. A few tears escaped her eye ducts and rolled down her face. "You... you wouldn't understand, Bleed'gion. The reasons behind it aren't rational or mathematical."****I shook my head. "You are incorrect, Shepard-commander-sama, I know exactly how you feel. I was impregnated by an organic. I love her, but our love can never be - and now the entire ship looks upon me with disdain! I feel as if I've brought shame to them all! And to you, Shepard..."****She pulled me into a hug, tears streaming out of her eyes now. "I know, Bleed'gion, I know! It's all been so stressful, with the collectors, and the Reapers. I don't know if I'll die today, tomorrow... I just can't be held down right now! I need to live freely - especially if these are my last days. And so do you!"****"What do you mean?" I asked, wiping my lens. It was fogging up - I was getting worked up. I could feel the sobs rising in my chest like lava in a volcano. "How can I live freely now? I have so much... Responsibility..."****Shepard put her hand on my shoulder. She regained her imperial posture, and instinctively, so did I. She looked directly at me, without guilt or embarrassment, not trying to avert her eyes for shame. ****"Bleed'gion, you are better than this," she said sternly, with the commanding air she always assumes when she was in her element, directing a mission. I couldn't help but listen to her; I collected her empowering words deep in my heart. "Never doubt who you are. Never be ashamed of what you've done. The past is the past, and you can't change that. Bleed'gion, we both need to take this moment and look into whatever brightness the future holds.**


	6. Chapter 6: Somewhere I Belong

It was dreary, cold, goffic morning in space and I, Tali'Zorah D'arkness vas Neema, put on my purple lace combat boots that go up to my knees and a big leather trenchcoat with skull buttons and fishnet fingerless gloves and a black fedora with a pink and black bow and lots of purple mascara. Then I put on my environmental suit over top.

I walked out of my coffin and hit something soft. It was Engineer Donnelly because he was fat. I stood for a moment, confused, but then I realized that he was watching me sleep and dress and he is creepy! What a pravert! So then I punched him in the face sexily and screamed blood curdlingly. Shepard came suddenly out of the elevator because she heard my cry of fright and vengeance. She punched him too. Then she said, "Tali, I need to talk to you. We're going on another super special mission."

"Okay, awesome!" I cried dazzlingly. "What are we doing, boss?" I struck a super sexy pose seductively. I hoped that we were going to shoot batarians because I hate them and they're creepy. Also because we didn't get to shoot any on the last mission.

"You'll have to come with me to the briefing room," said Shepard commandeeringly. I said okay because Engineer Donnelly was creepy and kept staring at me even after I punched him.

"But I haven't had my turian froot loops for breakfast yet!" I said suddenly realizing that I hadn't eaten breakfast.

"It's ok we're running low on Saren's blood anyway," said Shepard. So we got into the elevator sexily. Five... four... three... two... one. Zero. We walked out of the elevator and walked through the science room and walked to the briefing room.

Shepard strutted to her usual spot at the head of the table. I was confused because no one else was in the room and we always have to have three people in our buddy groups when we go on shore leave. And Shepard always has to be in the group. So really, I only ever get to have one buddy, and stupid sexxy Shepard. But anyway, there was no one else in the room, so I didn't really know what was going to happen.

In a flash, the door to the room opened and a new person walked in. Her skin was blue and shiny, and she had tentacles on her head and a really low cut shirt that was quite sexy, kind of like Thane's. I had never seen her before on the Normandy but Shepard seemed to recognize her. What a bosh'tet. I can't believe Shepard would give that sexxi asari the time of day. My hot quarian bod is way hotter than her.

"Hey Samara, meet Tali," said Shepard cordially.

"Don't touch me, you prep," I said sexily. Then in a flash she grabbed my hand and we shook hands.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Tali'Zorah D'arkness vas Neema," she said. "I am an asari justicar. It is within our code to shake hands with all new acquaintances. I apologize for touching you. May the goddess be with you." She spoke kind of weird like she was singing all the time. Also her hair kind of freaked me out, and because I was super smart like science I could tell she was an awesome biotic like Diabolo and Katy. I stuck my tongue out at her maturely and stood closer to Shepard because I was here first.

"So Samara needs to do some family business on Omega," explained Shepard quaintly.

"OMG Omega? That's like, the party rock haven of the galaxy! Did I ever tell you about the awesome Expel 10 concert I saw there?" Suddenly, tears started flowing out of my eyes. I couldn't stand to think about that place. It brought back so many memories, both sweet and terrible. I hid my face in my hands, and tried to hide my shame Samara, who didn't know what was going on between me and …. no, I couldn't say that name. Not yet.

"What's wrong?" Shepard asked convincingly.

"I... Nothing," I said shamefully.

Suddenly, we were on Omega. I sat next to Samara and she sat next to Shepard. She smelled like old person. Shepard and her were having some kind of heart to heart, but I couldn't really pay attention because there were some hot babes walking outside our shuttle and also the scenery was really nice. I wanted to point my gun at things but we were kind of squished so I couldn't really move my arms. So I cried to myself silently yet sexily.

Finally, we exited the shuttle and emerged into the slums of Omega. There were a lot of batarians around that stared at my hot quarian bod so I gave them the finger and shot one of them for good measure. Shepard didn't notice because she was too busy talking to some human about a dead person and other asari stuff.

We were looking around this house and I saw this awesome painting that I think Kasumi would like so I took it while Shepard was busy reading a dead chick's diary. I stuffed down the front of my environmental suit and continued to look around and point my gun at inanimate objects. Then we left. Sometimes shore leave is really boring.

Then Shepard turned to me dramatically. "Tali, you are no longer needed on this mission. Please return to the shuttle."

"But buddy groups have to have three people!" I yelled sexily.

"I'm going on this one alone," she said badassedly. Suddenly, I noticed that she was wearing a promiscuous pleather dress that showed off her curves and really nice stilettos. She had also put on makeup so she looked like a vampire, quite sexy. Tears started to well up in my quarian eyes, but when I turned around, Shepard was gone, and so was that stupid sexy asari.

"No!" I screamed hopelessly, sinking to my knees. The human chick walked over and patted me on the back. The picture fell out from under my environmental suit and the beautiful glass frame shattered before my very eyes. It seemed like the world had turned to blurry slow motion, as I blinked back tears and tried to understand what was happening to me.

"Thief!" screamed the woman blood curdlingly. "Street rat! All quarians are the same! The only species worse than them are batarians!"

I ran as fast as I could away from the scene, the streets of Omega passing in a dazzling red blur. I paused only to take a few shots at some passing batarians, but I might have accidentally hit a few vorcha, due to my grief. The poor vorcha...

I couldn't stop to breathe and in a flash I was run into a tough, burly turian security guard.

"Watch where you're going, Babealicious," he said in his smooth turian voice that was almost as sexii as Garrus.

I flashed him a sexy look and he let me in to the VIP section of Afterlife. I walked in to the club and was sad because Expel 10 was not playing. Then I broke down into tears when I remembered the great time Kaid'n and I had spent here. I collected myself quickly, quicly flushed the blood from my mask, and quickly ran over to the dance floor because I was ready to party.

I was dancing next to some hot guy who was attracted to me because of my sexiness and wonderful personality who wanted tickets to the next Expel 10 concert. I brushed him off. I couldn't have feelings for a human. Then my head wipped around and I spotted Shepard sitting in a booth, talking intensely to someone. It was an asari... Samara!

My vision erupted in a haze of red anger. How dare she leave me to be with an asari! They are almost as bad as batarians! Suddenly I remembered how that asari had accosted Kaid'n at the last concert and I was twice as angered, dazzlingly. At first I was going to punch her in the face, but I stopped myself. Maybe Shepard was seducing her to get information, because Shepard is smart and sexxy, like science. As limpid tears ran down my face, I forced myself to stay back and merely watch as my Shepard was being harassed by another woman.

Eventually, they left. I was shocked that Shepard would betray me because they left together. This other asari that looked exactly like Samara was trailing them and I knew I had to do the right thing. I couldn't let Shepard get involved in such a rash relationship. I knew whatit was like to regret something, and I didn't want someone so close to me to have to go through that pain.

I was a really good rogue because I borrowed Kasumi's omni-tool so I managed to get into the asari's apartment before Shepard and the other asaris. Suddenly Shepard and her love interest came in. I realized that she was betraying Thane and I cried for the both of them, silently and limpidly.

Shepard got up and decided to randomly walk around and talk but I wasn't really paying attention because I was too busy pointing my gun at the asari she was with. It was really pretty boring until Shepard sat down again and the asari moved closer to her. And closer. And closer. I was worried. Shepard's resolve seemed to go down. Was she really seducing this asari, or was she being seduced?

In a bang, the door burst open and the real Samara walked in, and biotically shot asari number two. I stared dramatically at each asari, because they looked so similar. Maybe they were twins like Thane and Kolyat. They were having a really intense conversation and Shepard looked adorably confused. They shot biotic beams at each other like Voldemort and Harry Potter, except those were magic and biotics is science.

Then, I suddenly realized that Shepard was standing up. She looked dazzlingly determined, and I was momentarily entranced. Then I realized what was happening. Shepard had her gun pointed at Samara!

"NO!" I exclaimed sexily, tearing off Kasumi's omni-tool and revealing myself to the room. I coudln't let Shepard make such a horrible mistake! Before anyone could say my name, I vaulted into the middle of the room and curled my quarian hands into small but powerful fists. I looked the strange asari straight in her deep, blue, penetrating ocular orbs. Without hesitation, I punched the bosh'tet hard in the mouth.

It was in slow motion like the matrix as she crumpled pitifully to the floor. I stared at her contorted body, and suddenly my mind was elsewhere. I shreiked, tears flowing down my cheeks, and backed away with my hand over my mouth.

"Bleed'gion!" I screamed blood curdlingly.

In my mind's eye, the asari's body was replaced by Bleed'gion, bruised, battered, and bleeding. The horror of the situation caught up to me and I realized what really mattered. My child. How could I have forsaken you, my love? I thought, pleading that somewhere in geth space, Bleed'gion could hear me, and forgive me for the terrible deeds I'd committed.

I blinked, and the asari was on the ground again, and I was devastated. Just as a blinding flash of blue light flickered across my vision, the world turned black like my soul, my legs gave out, I toppled to the ground, and I fainted.

I woke up in the med bay. There were people everywhere, but all too soon I realized that they weren't there to see me. I shot out of my cot and was blinded by the amount of people in the tiny room. They were all gathered around one bed.

"What's going on, preps?" I yelled sexily.

"Your child is being born!" Chakwas told me drunkenly.

I watched. There was lots of contractions and blood and other pragnency stuff. Then, I heard the cry of a child as a small bundle was placed in Bleed'gion's matronly arms.

"Isn't she adorable, Tali-sama?" he asked, blushing kawaiily. "She has your eyes."

A path formed between the columns of staring crewmates, and I staggered confusedly yet sexily to the bedside.

The creature in his arms... She wasn't a quarian... Or a geth... She was an asar!

I punched Samara


	7. Chapiter 7: super xero

so last nite, i tailzorah d'urkness ves neema sleept wit garris. it was fantastix. katy wlaked in an saw us an screemd blud curlingly. she riped out her blue and penk striks an ran out of the room screemng suicidelly. i laffed out laud sexly an then garis an i had mor sex.

...

i was so angruy an sad an not preety. i had boils al over my faec an i was ugly an smeeled lik bunghole. my plain brawn hare was greesy an driping with biotic blud witch was brown like poo so it blent in witt my hare and it was ful of lices. i was grose an i nevre brushd my teeths and i dreesed like a prep, essept today i wus supper supper ugly an wore nofing butt a sak cloth.

i ran to the womans washrom an crid and starred at my grose ugly faec in teh mirior. i cant beleeve garus would betroth me for that sexy gofik tali! i em so jellis of her prefect quarien bod becus i em gros and out of shape and aslo hairy like a man. evry1 shuld be mor liek tail because she hes a wunderbul personelity an is kiend to every1 an is verry beutiful an tolerint to all spesies. i wish i could b more liek her but im just a preppy poser tosh'bet.

so i crid some mor into the sink so i dident relize that some1 was in the stall. in a flash, diabolo was spit into my faec an laffed at me and ran away bioticaly so i crid suicidelly som more an lamentid my uglu lief.

then, mirenda wlaked into teh bathrom an saw me cryng an aksed me if i was ok preppishly. i spat in her faec bcuz she was suck a prep an aslo her boobs wernt as big as they seamed an i ran away sucidelly bcuz i coudnt b seen wit... mirenda lawsen. even tho i was sad an lonly an aslo a prep an garus left me. thats how much mirenda sucks.

i wated to eat sum turan froot luips to kill mysefl but the secand chef dude saw me, he loled and thru raizor blaids at my faec. they hit my faec an cut my faec but my faec was alredy so uglu it dident make a difrence on my faec. he told me we we're out of sarens blood an that i was ugli an told me to get ot of teh spece ship. aslo, chawksa woldnt giv me anything to drink becus i was a prep an dident desrve garis becuz he cheetad on me.

so i crid... an crid... an criad... an ran out of the spece ship an died sucidelly. so garris an tail an evry1 in the ship celibated bcuz they culd be hapy now thet i was gon. they dident dig me a graiv but if they did they wood hav dacned on it. tali is so beutifel an sexy an desrevers a wondrfel life


	8. Chapiter 8 pushin me away

(AN: im so sorry 4 not posting sooner! ty 4 teh good reviows an go away meen commeters! aslo, i still h8 u garruzxkatnsi)

today, i , tail'zorra d'arkniss vas neem gave my childe, aria'sorra tloak vas normendy to samera becuz she wuz anothr asar an she alredy had lik 400 milion otter childrin so she culd rais inother 1. then shepherd told her 2 leve teh spaceshit so she culd b all motherly on OMGa. and i was happy bcuz i was heer 1rst. an i h8 sexxxi asar.

i hope my dotter is nevr as sexxi as me.

i hadent seen bleedgin in a wile. i woundered were he wuz spendin his tiem now that he isnt beeng pragnint. i cried quarin teers of bludd bcuz he wuz probelby avoidin me. why dose no 1 luv me? i em so sexyy an hotniss an aslo smrt like scince an hav a wunderfil presonalty. but kaid'n an bleedgin havent taked to me ina wile.

so i wuz busy cryin bcuz my lief is so horibel an sliting my rists an admring my hawt quarien bod by my only frend, the miror. i lookd so verry sixy yet dipresed so i crid some mor. but enginer donely wuz starngrrin at me creapishly an masticating furishly in teh corner. so i through som raizor blades at his fece an ran to shephers' quarters.

"sherperd, i need 2 get of teh ship!" i sed suicdilly "can i corn w/ u ona missin, goffic plz w/ bat-shaped sprinlkes on top?"

suddinly, sheaperd welked out of her room. i gesped bcuz she was so sexxy. she wuz werin a dazzlin fem fatal dress mede out of rele batarin leather an sexi hi heals an lost of eye maekup witch wuz nice an goffic an she had a spidirweb pinted on her cheak. i wuz bedazzled by her beaty.

"sory tali but i hav otter plans" she sed an with a roll of the sholder she was in teh elveter. "im off to hlep kasumy retreve her boyfrends d'ark box"

i wuz sad bcuz i new kasumys bf an he wuz ded. i starred cryin bcuz i wuz so sad.

"let me hlep you i said" i ofered like the kind persin i am. (AN: c u gaiz? she is nice an not narcissism ok?)

"no i am afreid this is a 2 person missin, tail." said shepird all comander-like. ina flesh, the elvaturd doors clossed + i was left alon, cryin.

i wuldnt let that stupid sexu shepherd get away! i wuld stow away. but first i neded to find an ouftit that was evin mor seductiv then shepar's.

so i went inot shepir's goffic enoby armoir an chose the sexist otfit i culd find thats supper flatring on my hot quarin bod. it wuz a slik black tite catsuit (AN: i want 2 c batmen!) w/ builtin 9-inch spicked healed platform. i kidna lookd lik hally berry in that 1 move where she had the bdsm whip. my hair was in pinup cruls an my steaks were jet black cuz i wuz fleing srs an sxy. i wor a black spider-web veil ovr my saffire-ruby-diemend-emruld eyes that somtims change dippendin on the lite. my quaran fingrnails where long an perfictly polish w/ a black french manicur. i luked quite stuning. in fact shepherd dident stant a chance bcuz i wuz so gorgos. then i put my environmitnal sute on top. enginerr donelly faintd when i struted past him on teh way to the shutle.

so we landed on bekenstien. sheprd got out but she wasnt sheprd. she was udder the alias of alison gun. also kasumy got out (AN: geddit? bcuz her last naem's gotto! haha! ive ben lookin at the wiki so i no more stuff). i stealthili snuck bhind them.

kasumy tried to get into doniven hock's house but they stoped her bcuz she loked suspicus. sheprid got in tho bcuz she wuz secxi.

as soon as sheprhed and kasumu where inside i steped twards the gards an they droped ded bcuz i was so gorgoes. so then i maek a grand entrance an doniven hock wuz all like "welcom babealishis to my fine adobe. i hop l8er in my bedchaimbrs." but shepred an ksumy dident c me bcuz thei were in the basemint bein boss spyes.

i joged sexily to 1 of teh gards an batted my eyes at him. he sed i looked like a dazling jewl diped in hot quarin fudge an aksed me to com into teh secruity room 2 giv me a pat down. after that i found the key an left.

hock was standin macsuninly yet meenly by teh fontain. i swweet taked him sexly an listned to his intretin accint . i think it wuz canadin or some otter forein thing. as we tlaked i recordid his voce on my onmitool bcuz i thot it mite come in handy.

"it was such a plaisure meeting u ms zali tora nas veema." he said huskily into my ear. then we went into his supper slick scifi bedrom an did it sexly. then i toke his dna bcuz he was pased out. then i found a credit chit an went downsters to me t kasumy and sheperd who were busy lookin at sheilds or something.

"lookin for somethin?" i aksed dazlingy pullin the key out from my bra. i pushed shepard aside gentily bcuz im nice an swiftly hacked all of teh compters w/ smart sciense an brust into a lovly room. it was fliled w/ cool artichokes like teh statu of liverty's head witch i sliped under my shirt b4 shepird even got done putine on her armoir.

"ur lookin xcepshunally well-endowed today, tali" shepard said casualy. "now lets look 4 that d'ark box."

i found teh d'ark box 1rst bcuz i boroed garus' eye thing an it made a little numbr meeter apear at the bottom of my vision. then doniven hock's head apeard on a giant scren an he sed "im gonna kill u all accept zali bcuz she is 2 sxyy an she has such a hawt bod. zali, u r such a wondrful quarian. will u mary me?"

"NO!" i shreeked blud-curlingly wipping my hair back an froth. "u r gross liek enginr donely an probebly watch me sleep an i will NEVER marry u."

then i stuk my tounge out at him.

"fine then have it ur way!" he cacked in his wired canadien acent. "if u wont mary me my preshiss then ur just gonna hav 2 die w/ the rest of them~ muahahahahaha!" he laffed like a tru vilain.

"ull never catch us!" i yeled suicidelly. then me an sheprod an kapri ran out of teh art galry. then we ran down a halway an up som strairs an in a flash we were ran outside!

there was a lot of shoting but motsly i shot people bcuz i have teh best aim an tech. we needed to get the shields off of hocks helicopiter but it was 2 faraway 2 shot. so i had a smart like scienc idea 2 jump on it w/ my incrudibel arcobatrix skills an omnitooled it to death!

it was epic an badass an it was a b'loody battel but we 1 bcuz i am so beutifel. but i was relly tired an exhautsted so i passed out itno shepred's arms! it was so romentical

i woke up in kausmy's room bcuz it is the cleenest room on teh normendy an aslo bcuz she is totes my bff now (AN: NOT LIKE DAT SUTPID KATY NISS) bcuz i hleped her get her d'arkbox back. it was teh midel of teh nite an i wuz stil kinda batle weery so shapes fliker in an ot of fokiss. but i culd c 1 thing clerly. hot kaidan alenko's face. full of concrene for me.

"my d'ark angle!" he started 2 speek "wut u did back ther wuz ttly braev an sxy." (AN: bcuz i saw brave last weakend Merida is so awsum an she totes shows those preps. liek tali)

"i no" i sed sexyly. his faec wuz butiful wen he wuz so manly pertective. he had a strong maxuline yet southing jaw. his ravin hair formd into a blak windows peak on the top of his smooth fourhead. he wor goffic blak eyelinner that axintuatid his red coulored contacts an brite red lips staind by sarens blud that i longd 2 kiss. i starred into his deap, solefull ocular orbs an my hart melted liek buter on hot quarin toste. how i wish to find cumfort in his arms agin. but then i thot of bleed'ginn so i starrted 2 cry voluminisly an ran out of teh room.

i ran 2 teh medbay 2 b comfroted by chaswak an the chef dude did not thro raser blaids at my faec bcuz i am sxy beutifil an dazlin an i hav a hot bod (AN: not liek sutpid kathrynn niss!)

sudinly, i opened teh dor. chaksaw wuz not ther bcuz she was off bein an alcoholc sum wher else. in fact, I culd here noisis comin from the AI core. it was probably chikwas bcuz she is relly loud wen she is drunk wich is all teh time bcuz she is an alcoholic.

so i oped the door 2 the AI core an i litrally felt my hart shatter into a thousend cristaline b'lood diminds. I saw sxy lims tangled togethr sxily. and betrayally. bleedgion was blushing ukeishly wile his new bed partnern stretched all flexibly overtop of him. they made out yaoishly an did mansex rite in front of my sxy quarin eyes. my hart shattered like a frozen quarin banena (AN: i wuz watchin big bag theory. rember that part?). they gapsed in unision. "oh thane-kun! u make my kokoro go doki doki!" bleedgion shouted. "u r so kawai sugoi desuu!" he exclaimed ejaculatorily.

"siha!" thane replied an then falling into a deep sleep.

"BLEED'GION YOU PRAVERT!" i screemed. i wuz so angry that my vision went red like the hulk - its ok tho bcuz im sxyer than him - an shoot a concussive round at him (i borroed it from garis after we had sex) but it went right thru his chest hole WHERE HIS HEART SHULD HAV BEAN!

"siha - i mean tali-sama-chan-hime forgive me! i wuz blinded by lust! that trolip tricked me w/ his sexual wyles!" bleedgion pleeded.

i culdnt even take it so i brught my fragil femnin open hand against his lens with a slappp! "screw youuuu"

"literally" thane said still asleep.

"an youuu! how dare you betray me an sheperd" i sang dazlingly kicking thane in teh face w/ stiletos. then I ran out of teh room 2 teh elivate an i went 2 the enginering panil. evrything wuz hazy from heron out. i rember in my drunkin stupid (bcuz i borroed sum alcoholc bevrags in kausmys room) hearing a mans voice that soundid gruf an mildly soothing. i cant beleve wut hapind next... I HAD SEX WIT ENGINIR DONELY!

wen i woke up he wuz standin over me an mouthbrething an watchin me sleep. i faintid


	9. Chapter 9: The Catalust

((AN: ty to all teh commetters who gave me instructiv critism. i used ur ideas :))

This d'ark morning in space, I, Tali'Zorah D'arkness vas Neema, visited my friend Kathryn Niss. She was back alive because half-asaris can't die by space, and also she was back with Garrus because she is really pretty and the perfect woman for him no one else. But not as sexxi as me.

Kathryn Niss saw me, and her eyes lit up like sparkly fountains of angst and she screamed, "TALI! GOOD TO SEE YA, GURL!"

Then I was like "OMG how was your vacation on Omega?"

"Awesome! I bought awesome purses and awesome goffic leggings and awesome hello kitty barrettes! Also, I had sex with Garrus like a million times because he loves me and then he proposed!"

"OOOOOMMMMMMGGGGGGG!"

"I KNOW, RIGHT?!"

"GARRUS LEFT THE NORMANDY?!"

"YEAH AND THEN HE PROPOSED!"

"OMG!1!1!11!1!"

So then I went to the elevator to eat breakfast. Five... four... three... two... one... zero. And I was on the crew deck. I asked the chef dude to get me some quarian food and he was like, "Anything for you, babealicious," and he gave me some turian froot luips with Saren's blood instead of milk because he totally knows what I like because I am so hotniss.

So I ate my cereal in the medbay and Chakwas was there. I was so excited because Katy was getting married so I told her all about the wedding. Chakwas drank a lot but she sometimes listened and she said that Katy needed a dress! So we went to Thessia because there are lots of asar there, and asari are hot and Katy is half-asari and was born on Thessia. Also, they have really goffic d'ark dresses there and the asaris are totally non-preppish there, unlike on Omega.

Garrus didn't come with us because it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. (AN: das wat my mam sais) Also, Katy and I shopped for like a bunch of dresses, before we found the perfect one.

It glittered against the d'ark backdrop of space like a red giant star about to explode and kill millions, gorgeous, soothing and the picture image lol of gofficness. Katy literally cried after she laid eyes on it, and the asar helping us went blind due to the sheer beauty. Obviously, it would look much sexier on my hot quarian bod, but it was Katy's day, so I'd let her wear it. At least for her wedding.

Then, we went to the most fabulous quarian hairstylist in all of Rannoch, because I had already defeated the geth and was now queen of Rannoch. His name was Kal'Reegar, and he was not as sexxi as me, because I have beautiful feminine curves like the virgin Mary. Anyway, he did Katy's hair and it was totally awesome and pretty. She had all different colored streaks like red, purple, and blue, in her brown hair, and it was all curly and also it had glitter in it. She looked almost as scene as me. But not as sexxi.

After Katy got her hair done, she went to do makeup and choose tablecloths and stuff, but I left Kasumi in charge of that because I had to get ready for the wedding!

I raided SexyShepard's closet because she has the sexxiest wedding clothes. Duh. I was going to wear a bridesmaid's dress, but Katy said I was a super special maid of honor and could wear whatever I want. It was a hard decision because I couldn't decide what to wear on the most important day of Katy's life. And also I had to look way hotter than her, which isn't that hard, but I had to be sure.

I put on a gorgeous twisted steampunk ensemble, with a tight, whalebone corset, a wide, frilly skirt that cut off at the mid-thigh at the front and flowed down to the ground at the back, a black bat pocket-watch that I kept in my cleavage, leather stiletto boots that came up above my knees, a miniature mad-hat with a gothic spider design, floofy victorian sleeves with a lot of goffic, blood-red lace, a silk garter with bows and lace, leather, fingerless gloves, long, black 9-inch nails (AN: GEDDIT? cuz teh band), a nose-piercing with a dark gargoyle on it that reminded me of my past sins, a goffic n7 tattoo that reminded me never to repeat those sins, black eyeliner that runs down my cheeks like tears, dark red lipstick that glistens and will be extra sexy on the neck of a man or especially Shepard, long ripped fishnet stockings, a super sexy lace triple D bra that is see-through and gorgeous victoria's sexret underwear. Then I put my most sexiest suit on top, not to steal the show from my bestie.

I was almost ready to go, when I heard a super secret knock on Shepard's door. I sighed dramatically because someone was interrupting my wedding preparations, and I hate it when people interrupt me, so I cried a little. Then I flung open the door sexily and who was standing there...

HOT KAID'N ALENKO.

Not last night, I had fled dramatically away from him, and now he was running back into my arms! But he didn't look happy to see me, in fact he looked rather brooding and quite chagrin. He was robed in a sexy, clean cut, tight suit for the wedding because he was Garrus' best man. Which was a coincidence because I was the maid of honor.

"What are you doing here?" I snapped in a vicious yet sexxy manner.

In a flash, he looked sheepish and his face went red. But then he was all manly and straightened up and rolled his eyes. "Nothing," he said casually yet soothingly. "What are you doing here?"

"I am getting changed," I replied nonchalantly and sexily.

Kaid'n blushed kawaiily again. "Well, I'll just go get ready for the wedding then."

In a flash, I realized what was happening as the wheels clicked in my smart science brain! My mind reeled and my quarian lips curled into a dazzling scowl. My complexion remained fair and beautiful, but I was angry on the inside. Truly, bubblingly angry like a cauldron of steam that wanted to burn Kaid'n's hot face.

"You... YOU FLAMING TROLLOP!" I screamed! I was so mad!

Kaid'n looked furtive and confused, yet soothing. His eyes dropped to the floor as he thought about my words, because he was confused because he is not as smart as me.

"OMG YOU PRAVERT! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!" I screamed, but this time I threw my sparkly diamond hairbrush at his face. He dodged it expertly because he was so manly, but I could barely see because tears of b'lood were forming in my emerald eyes. Kaid'n started to back away as I screamed some more at him and threw other precious jewels at his face and also razor blades because I hate him!

He left the room as fast as he could. I was going to follow him, crying, but I realized that I had ruined my mascara and I had to fix it because the wedding was only an hour away. I did my makeup really fast because I couldn't stand the thought of Shepard coming into her room and seeing me like this. Also, because I knew what she had done with Kaid'n and I started crying more, but luckily I had put on waterproof mascara.

I almost tore up my clothes because Shepard wore them, but I didn't because they looked too dazzling on my hot quarian bod. So instead, I stole all of Shepard's sexxiest dresses, and poured bright pink nail polish on the rest. Then I looked at myself one last time in Shepard's wrought-iron mirror. It was very poetic. I looked like a d'ark angel, risen up from the grave to avenge those who had hurt me so much. My tears were my strength. I tried to feel happy for Katy and Garrus, but my world was a d'ark abyss, and I couldn't find happiness anywhere, so I slit my wrists. Then I remembered how Kaid'n had called me his d'ark angel, and I cried some more. Then I went to the wedding.

I drove the M-44 Hammerhead to the wedding, because I am an awesome driver and way better at driving than Shepard. Diabolo came with me because she could see the pain in my heart and knew she could console me.

"Bromisizzle, it's alright," she said consolatorily.

I cried into her shoulder. "Diabolo, you are my only friend," I said, because Katy and Kasumi were too busy with the wedding. "I'm so glad I can count on you."

"I'm here for you, broskillet."

"TY," I replied.

Then we got to the wedding. There were lots of lights and flowers and pretty curtains and tablecloths and such, but they were all goffic. The color scheme was black and red, and all of the flowers had spiders on them and there was blood dripping from the tops of the curtains. There was a giant fountain of blood fondue in the middle of the hall. Saren's blood. Also, the chef dude was there greeting people at the door because he was going to give Katy away, because her real parents died in the war against the Reapers.

I ate a bunch of blood fondue as comfort food to calm the rage I felt toward Kaid'n, but luckily I didn't gain any weight because I have a great health, and I still looked super sexxi in my maid of honor dress. Then I went to meet the other bridesmaids, who were Diabolo and Kasumi and Samara because she's an asar and she has a great figure so she rounded out the wedding party. (AN: Because Diabolo is flat-chested and totally not sexy) The bridesmaids got into their dresses, which were blood red with lace and leather and also fur and corsets.

Before I walked up the aisle, I glanced at the audience, filled with family and friends and Normandy crew members. I knew I would see her, and there she was. Shepard. Looking as gorgeous as ever, sitting at the front of the hall, being happy for Garrus and Katy even though she was a traitor. I knew I could never be as good as her. I could never feel truly happy for Garrus and Katy when there was so much eating at my quarian soul. Shepard was so sexy and thoughtful... my idol.

Then the music started to play and I got to walk down the aisle first because I was such a babe and everyone wanted to look at me for as long as possible. I wiped a stray tear from my eye. I wasn't sure if it was happiness or depression or a mixture of both, because Katy was getting married but my life was crumbling before my beautiful sapphire eyes. The bridesmaids followed me after a short pause, then the groomsmen, who were Thane and Grunt and... Hot Kaid'n Alenko. My eyes were slits when he came in, and I glared at him viciously and madly. Then the groom walked up the aisle, because he is pretty charismatic and needs to have a moment too. Garrus was looking dashing in a turian suit made of real batarian leather, and his waist looked tiny and handsome and turian women gasped on either side and were jealous, because my BFF was with him.

Suddenly, the bride walked in, linking arms with the chef dude. Katy looked dazzling and pretty and goffic. Her dress seemed to shine with d'ark brightness. It was a giant black ballgown, with rhinestones all down the skirt in bat and spider patterns. Her hair was streaked in neon colors, and she had a steampunk fascinator with a veil in her scene hairdo. The chef dude looked exceptionally ugly next to her beauty.

Katy walked up to Garrus and looked him in the eyes. I saw the true love in her eyes that was reflected in Garrus' and I couldn't help but tear up. Then, I thought about how my life had been ruined by so many traitors, and I started to cry, silently and sexily. They had hired a vorcha priest from Omega and he started talking in his raspy vorcha voice, but I couldn't pay attention to his words through my veil of sadness. Everyone else looked so happy and smiling, even Kaid'n and Shepard, who was looking very attractive in her tight goffic dress. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, and my hatred burned inside of my like a flame of d'arkness. Garrus opened his mouth and looked like he was going to say something, but I couldn't tell through the tears veiling my quarian eyes...

"HOW COULD YOU?!" I yelled.

Everyone stopped talking and looked at me. Which was okay, because I was so hot.

My thoughts were string. I couldn't hold on any longer. My mind reeled and suddenly, I was flashing back to another time... another place. I was on a beach... On Rannoch. My vision blurred and I opened my mouth, chanting the memory like Thane...

"I was there watching on the beaches of the cataclysm and life where these fish who I once thought weresucidal were throwing themselves upon the sand. My master saw my confusion and guided me with words that humanity would not deserve, "Be careful not to step on those creatures, they have an important legacy to start." -Azuron 6th Guardion of Hydrax. Sometimes I wish I had stepped on just one, could have wiped out a line of these parasites. "Parasites" that's the word... You take and take but never give back, you are guests on this world and one day you will have overstepped your bounds and be expelled. If only...there would be Void, the everlasting peace," I said sexily.

Everyone was still staring at me. Even Katy and Garrus.

Suddenly, my tears burst and I cried and ran down the aisle and out of the hall and on to the real beaches of Rannoch, where the wedding was being held. The sun was setting and the quiet of twilight (AN: I luv dose buks) was all around me. My feet pattered on the sand as I kicked off my thigh-length stiletto boots.

I heard footsteps behind me. Someone was chasing me... someone cared. The footsteps gave me a distant hope. And then... more footsteps, after the first. They were running, and I ran too, and they couldn't catch me because they were so... far... from... the... beach.

I fell, tripping over my own feet, my own tears, my own bloody quarian heart. My hands caught the sand, and my black-streaked hair fell into my eyes suicidally. I almost lost hope, but then someone touched my shoulder gently, soothingly.

"Why are you crying, Tali-hime?"

"Don't touch me... You... Prep!" I tried to scream, but it came out as a sexy murmur of depressingness.

"Don't touch her, you synthetic demon!" yelled another deep, manly, charismatic, marble yet soothing voice.

I turned around and saw them.

My angels. My saviors. My beacons. My d'ark princes. On the right, his red lense staring at me consolitorily, the deep, sensitive synthetic who stole my heart only weeks ago in Omega and bravely brought our child into existence. On the left, gorgeous goffic tattoes glowing in the moonlight, the strong, muscular, masculine biotic who stood by me in the hardest of times, my rock. I was so angry, so sexily pissed off, and yet, deep inside me, I yearned. I yearned not for one or the other, but for both.

The passion grew inside me like a wildfire, ripping the air out of my lungs, paralyzing my every limb. I stared deeply into both of their eyes, sexy sexual desires rippling beneath the cool rubies in my skull. I batted my long, slender, feminine eyelashes five times. Five... Four... Three... Two... One... Zero. And then I was overcome with lust for the both of them, ripping the clothing off my back (AN: it's ok becuz ronack is relly clean) and flinging my body at them.

It seems that they, too were experiencing the same feelings, as they let themselves be swept away by the tidal wave of desire. We made sweet, passionate, sensual, sexxy love under the starlit sky of Rannoch. A Geth, a Human and a hot Quarian interlocked in sweet goffic sex. It was fantastic, we explored every realm of the others body, and became comfortable with each other, while still unleashing our pent up emotions - rage, jealousy, shame... and the most sexxy of sensual desire. They took turns with me, and each other. Bleed'gion hit my G-String! We all imaxed at the same time, and, exhausted, they both fell into a deep sleep. The only thing that could have made this moment better was if Shepard had been here.

Before I dozed off, I glanced up at the starry sky. I could still hear the wedding in the background, but now, I feel happier than ever before. I fell asleep a perfect, hot quarian


End file.
